Not what I expected.

So Peter and Amanda just called me because today is the day all the officers and officers-to-be get their appointments. I'm not actually allowed to say where they are going for another 26 minutes, but I trust that if any of you read this before noon today, you will keep the information private.

I'm not going to lie, after I hung up the phone, I started crying. Bermuda? Really? Why?? Why are they being torn away from their family and friends like that? Anyway, I was just really hoping that they would be somewhere in this division, because they are family to me, and I really wanted to be there when Baby Robinson is born.

*sigh*

I hate the Army.

Prayer.

I think that if everyone started actually praying for the leaders of our country, we would start to see changes, good changes taking place. Although I think that we (myself included) are all too selfish to meander outside our own selfish little prayer bubbles (which include our own needs, plus friends and family). 

But really. I don't even pray enough as is, but I'm going to challenge myself to do 2 things. 

first, to pray on a daily basis (other than Grace, of course, because that's just habit). I should be praying for myself because I'm lost and I need to make my way back to God. 

second, to pray for the politicians, the leaders, the country, the continent, the world. 

Feel free to ask me how that is going, any of you, my 5 wonderful followers. 

Oh Hello There.

I just finished reading about the German Archipelago. 

I can't believe that the Royal Army would just start bombing a couple islands for no reason. They killed a few people, then everyone left, but they kept bombing for 5 years. Abandoned islands. 6,800 tonnes of explosives. 

What did they do with it in the end? Turned it into holiday resort. 

Good to know the British were productive with that one. 

"The truth is always the strongest argument"  - Sophocles. 

I gave someone advice today that even shocked me. 

"don't clip your wings before you've learned to fly" 

Gah.

So today was just overly frustrating.

Dad and I drove back to my old house to get the rest of my stuff, and everything fit in except for like one container and a few stuffed animals...which means we're going to have to go back again. 

Then we get back like 8 hours later and I start moving my furniture around to ensure that we'll be able to get everything in. I moved my bed, and brought everything inside the house, but didn't take it up all the stairs to my room. Anyway, so I go to start putting things away and realize that none of the hangers I have fit (the idiot who made the closets here didn't put bars in them, but rather a hook shaped thing that the hanger just hooks on). This is bad for 2 main reasons. I hang all of my clothes up. annnd I have about 60 pairs of shoes, which I store in those hanging shoe racks from IKEA. BUT, those velcro around the bars, which we don't have, so I have no idea what I'm going to do with all my shoes. 

So I'm just tired and frustrated and I don't know what I'm going to do with all my clothes. 

Also,

I wish I had some friends. 

new beginning.

time to start my life over again. 

I suppose beginning right away, but changes will start to take place tomorrow.

it is my mission to become a better person.

please pray for me while i am on this endeavor.

what are my goals?

1. first and foremost: happiness. not the kind on the outside, or the momentary thrills derived from sex, drugs, good food, nice hugs, etc. 

2. drink a lot of tea: i love tea. tea brings me joy. it's healthy, and calming. I have a feeling moving back in with my parents will bring more stress than I can handle. tea will help.

3. a job: i need one desperately if i ever hope to pay for college in september. Not tim horton's, or wendy's, or anything of the sort. the less mundane, the better. my brain is going to waste...

4. use my brain more: reading, writing, puzzles, whatever. I am 19. I should be smart. (I am decently smart, but I don't know much of anything). I think i'll pick up some old history text books, and read those. Not sure.

5. Get healthy: I have a free gift membership to Goodlife, so I need to take advantage of that. Plus my eating habits need to be corrected. My boobs and butt are shrinking. I want them back (I went from a full 32C to a small 32B...and my pants are falling down.) Maryanne noticed that I'm thinner than I was a couple of months ago, and is concerned for my well-being (as she should be.). I suppose with Dad's cooking, I'll gain some much needed weight back...so I'll have to balance that with my exercising, etc. I should run, too.

I think those are decent goals, for the short term, anyway. 

you never did.

how does love just disappear?

how can love just vanish?

how can feelings change in an instant?

how can people be so blind that they can't see what they're giving up?

how can we not know when we're making the biggest mistakes of our lives?

why doesn't anything make sense anymore?

i should have waited.

we should have waited.

to take the time to get to know one another.

to avoid all of this.

we should have taken the time before taking the leap.

i wasn't good enough for you and you would have known that if we'd taken the time.

the ground beneath me is crumbling, 

the world is falling apart before my very eyes.

nothing i can do will stop it,

i am powerless.

i can't wait to get out of this hell i am in.

My Love,

Today I determined that you are the most precious thing to me, and that if I were ever to lose you, I wouldn't want to carry  on.